It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
