My liver just broke up with me...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
