I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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