just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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