I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
