shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
