Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
