I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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