Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
