She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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