Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
