I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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