The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
