My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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