forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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