did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
