i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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