she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
