Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
