He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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