Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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