no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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