i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
