I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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