I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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