i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
