remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize