I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
