Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
