Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
