when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
