Just cropdusted the office
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
