If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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