we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
