I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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