Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i dont even know how to be here
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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