On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
