My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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