I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
