Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
