apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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