so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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