He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
