I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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