Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
