my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not ubering you a puppy
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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