i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
