I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
