So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
