He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
