Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
