I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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