i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
