I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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