i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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