somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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