U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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