They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
