Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
