Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ladies don't puke and tell
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
